Пациент, страдающий икотой: - Я пробовал все. Хаус: -Угу. (читает) ...тянул за язык, лед на горле, бить себя, щипал за промежность... да, вы уж точно охватили все нормальные медицинские способы. Впрочем, как вы себя бъете - открытой ладонью или кулаком? Пациент: - Открытой ладонью. Хаус: - Ну, да, так учат в Гарвардском Медицинском.
Брат пациента: - Мой брат не гомик! Доктор Хаус: - Не уверен. (или что-то в этом роде) Брат пациента: - Я вас ударю. Доктор Хаус: - Интересный пассаж! Он так мне врезал, что его брат стал гетеросексуалом!
мне нравится, когда он говорит Уилсону, как сделать ,чтобы никого из команды не уволили : Я шлёпну Кэмерон по попке, Формана обзову ниггером, а Чейза.. его я тоже по попке шлёпну.. за точность не отвечаю, но смысл - передан верно :)
Любимые цитаты на английском: Dr. Cameron: Could pain medicine cause an orgasm? House: I wish
Dr. Chase: We’ve got an MRI scheduled in twenty minutes. Earliest Foreman could get the machine. Dr. House: I teach you to lie and cheat and steal and the second my back is turned you wait in line!
Dr. House: Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interests of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. Dr. Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file. House: This ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board-certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I'm also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who's forced to be here against his will. That is true, isn't it? But not to worry, because for most of you this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying you may see me reach for this. It's Vicodin - it's mine, you can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain-management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows - maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? (everyone stares) And...who would rather wait for one of the other two guys? (everyone raises their hands) Well, I'll be in Exam Room 1 if you change your mind.
Dr. House: Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person? Dr. Cuddy: Are you high? Dr. House: If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted. Dr. Cuddy: It's Wednesday.
Dr. House: You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
Dr. House: I suppose "minimally at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "No chance in hell"? Dr. Chase: Actually, I'm Australian. Dr. House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.
Dr. Chase: In pre-med, I had a professor who... Dr. House: ...touched you in the naughty place?
Dr. Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don't have sex. Dr. House: Their mistake.
Dr. Cuddy: Are you being completely dense on purpose? Dr. House: Huh?
Dr. Cuddy: I can’t even imagine the backward logic you used to rationalize shooting a corpse. Dr. House: Well if I shot a live person there's a lot more paperwork.
Dr. House: Gotta go. Building full of sick people. If I hurry, maybe I can avoid them.
Dr. Chase: I hate nuns. Dr. House: Who doesn't.
Dr. House: It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.
Dr. House: What else turns you on? Drugs? Casual sex? Rough sex? [pause] Casual rough sex? I'm a doctor, I need to know.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You assaulted that man! Dr. House: Fine. I'll never do it again. Dr. Eric Foreman: Yes you will. Dr. House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.
Dr. House: It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession. Or finish medical school and teach.
Dr. House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a... [pauses] I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
Dr. House: I always say if you're going to get shot, do it in a hospital.
Dr. Wilson: You will lie, cheat and steal to get what you want, but you're incapable of kissing a little ass? Dr. House: Well, we all have our limitations.
Dr. House: See, this is why I don't waste money on shrinks, cause you give me all these really great insights for free. Dr. Cuddy: Shrink. If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake.
House: Read less, more TV.
House: Everybody lies.
House: Truth begins in lies.
House: Overall, drug addicts are idiots.
House: Huge ego, sorry.
House: You can think I'm wrong, but that's no reason to quit thinking.
House: Ideas are not soda cans. Recycling sucks.
House: Nobel invented dynamite. I won't accept his blood money.
Stacy: God, you are such an idiot. House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.
House: God doesn't limp.
Tritter: Merry Christmas. House: Happy go to hell.
House: Can we forget my vices and get back to my virtues.
Cameron: You're lucky he didn't die. House: I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die.
House: Welcome aboard the good ship Asskisser. Nice day for a sail.
House: 'Crap' is a relative term!
House: The world doesn't suck any more today than it did yesterday.
